In this space, we’ll also explore what health, strength, body admiration, glow shifts, and body movement mean for each of us — because that shit deserves to be praised without the risk of trolls on the internet.

Modern beauty standards promise a lot — glow, tone, “effortless” polish — but the reality is far from effortless. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and often physically demanding. Now layer chronic illness, disability, or unpredictable health on top of that.

Medical bills compete with the cost of skincare routines, hair appointments, or that new Gymshark set. The “must-have” Pilates studio might be across town — impossible to get to during a flare-up or on a day when driving isn’t safe. That trending workout outfit might not fit or feel the same when bloating, scars, hives, or swelling change how your body looks from one day to the next.

And of course, there’s the unsolicited health advice we never asked for — like when someone in a larger body assures you that you’d “feel better” if you just lost weight. (A classic gaslighting treat from doctors for chronic babes everywhere.)

Beauty standards don’t exist in a vacuum — they’re shaped by cultural expectations, generational values, and the constant churn of social media trends. Navigating them is complicated enough without also managing pain, fatigue, or mobility limitations.

In this space, we’ll talk about:

💸 The financial trade-offs of “keeping up” while paying for ongoing care
🔍 How beauty and fitness culture often overlook or exclude those with fluctuating health
🌍 The pull of cultural and generational expectations around appearance
✨ Showing up on the days when it’s a win just to get dressed
🌈 Defining beauty in a way that works with, not against, the body you live in

This isn’t a conversation about giving up on beauty — it’s about reclaiming it, adapting it, and removing the shame around doing it differently.

This isn’t a makeover.

It’s an honest, occasionally funny look at the invisible costs — and the unexpected freedom — of opting out, scaling back, or showing up exactly as you are.

Tell a Spoonie. See ya'll soon!

Vibe: Rest without apology. Truth without proof.

This Space is for people living with chronic pain, chronic illness, or the blurry in-between. It’s for when you’re tired of being doubted, tired of being strong, and just… tired. Here, you don’t have to convince anyone of what you live with. You don’t have to downplay it or over-perform to be believed.

🫂 THIS SPACE IS FOR YOU IF:

• You’ve lost jobs, friendships, or parts of yourself to pain or illness.
• You’re managing symptoms and managing the disbelief of others.
• You’re tired of suggestions. You want solidarity, not solutions.
• You want accommodations, and also don’t want to be seen as “less.”
• You say “I’m fine” when you’re not, because it’s easier.
• You follow every health routine—or ignore them—because both are survival.
• You’re stuck between wanting a diagnosis and fearing what it could mean.
• You’re just looking for one hour where you don’t have to pretend you’re OK.

In this Space, we honor boundaries, rest, rage, and contradiction. We don’t require “silver linings” or progress updates. We believe that grief, joy, shame, and relief all have room here.

💬 TOPICS WE MAY EXPLORE:

• Support Without Fixing
• Asking for Accommodations
• Grief for the “Before” Self
• Medical Trauma and Mistrust
• Invisible Illness
• Wellness Culture Disillusionment
• Coping Trade-offs
• Needing a Break From Illness Talk
• Being Seen Fully

💚 WHY THIS SPACE MATTERS:

Living with chronic illness or pain can make the world feel like it’s not built for you. You navigate every day carrying weight others can’t see—constantly adapting, advocating, and enduring. That’s why this Space matters. It gives you permission to just be.

You can join with your camera off, mid-flare, horizontal, silent. You can show up as you are: sick, uncertain, angry, lonely, laughing, grieving. This is your hour to not be productive. To not teach anyone. To not perform wellness. To be more than a diagnosis—and more than a body in pain.

This Space is held twice a month on Tuesday's. Tell a Spoonie. See ya'll soon!

Please reach out to Claire if you need any accomodations to participate in this Space: claire@totem.org.